Manager or Dominator

How do you know you were heard?

When you begin a conversation with someone on the telephone do you manage the conversation or dominate it? If you manage it you are a rare and gifted communicator. One that is understanding, respectful, patient and friendly. If you manage the conversation you are a person who is more concerned with the success of the communication event, and less with making your point or having your story heard. Most times when we talk to another we have an agenda, something we need to communicate.

What we often forget is communication is a two way street and the other person most likely has an agenda as well. To make the most of our encounter we must always remember, the other person has things they need or want to communicate too. Let them, and you'll be seen as a great communicator, not a dominator. Give the conversation room to grow and expand, listen to what they have to say. As my father used to say, "Use your ears more, they have a bigger role in life, that's why there are two of them."

Just like these gears, as each speaker takes their "turn" the "conversation" gear changes directions. This allows for the free flowing of thoughts and ideas. You never know what you'll learn from someone else until you "Hear" them!

Everyone sees life from their perspective, through the eyes of their own id. This "self centered" approach to communication is fraught with land mines. Misunderstanding, Misinterpretation, misrepresentation, hurt feelings and in some cases anger. Do you think you hear other people in your conversations? Do you think they felt as though they were heard? Did you feel like you were heard?

Think back on your last telephone conversation, what were you doing while the other person was speaking? If you are thinking about what you have to say, how your story applies or what you need to buy at the grocery store, you cannot possibly be following the conversation or processing what the other person is saying to you.

A truly great communicator is not the one doing all of the communicating all of the time, it's the person who is willing to listen and understand the thoughts of the other person...first!

To better follow the thread of this topic buy my book. You'll learn more about human communication in the unseen world of the telephone.  You will learn about The Art of Visual Listening!

Until next time, listen carefully and think before you speak!